Oh yes, the question that every girl asks herself when she begins to have feelings for someone of the opposite sex. Could he be the one I’m supposed to marry? Is he my soul mate? Can he complete me? What should I do? How can I know?
Just like college age students and older in the States continually ask these questions, we have found these all too familiar questions on the hearts of students in Nepal. Last week was a very busy week for us and amidst our several events and activities (Women’s Conference, teaching at their college – Justin on leadership and me on counseling, and visits to the Children’s Home), we got the opportunity to speak to about 100 college age students on God’s Will in finding a life partner.
Yeah, how did we get roped into this you might ask? It all started one evening when our hosts (well the wife) asked us to tell her our “love story. We told her our whole story from the very first time we met to our beautiful wedding dayJ. If anyone is familiar with our story, you know that is quite a humorous one (well humorous now, maybe not during it). I of course was very very picky and thought that if I didn’t know the guy was the ONE within seconds of knowing him, than I shouldn’t even get to know him anymore. Most of the time this was a good thing and protected me from a lot of heartache (I had never been in a relationship until Justin), but as I got older, this thinking made me very fearful and God had to really work on my heart to take a step of faith in this part of my life
Anyway, she loved our story! She loved the fact that I didn’t date Justin right away and that he had to spend a lot of time pursuing me. She related to this a bit herself, and she really liked how Justin was so patient and waited on God’s timing. Also, she loved how we had a period of time apart (3 months when I went to the Dominican Republic) that helped solidify our feelings for each other and confirmed in our minds that we were going to get married. So, after listening so intently to us, she told us she would like us to share at the program for college age students they were having on Friday. They were having a full day program consisting of worship and teaching and the topic was God’s will in our lives – specifically our career and finding a life partner. She would take the morning session and then we would have the afternoon. I shared a little bit about God’s will and figuring out your career in life as our host also loved my attendance to medical school for ONE dayJ. Then Justin and I, together talked about finding that special someone.
So what do you tell college age students about finding a spouse in a culture that is totally different than your own - a culture where arranged marriage is still very much practiced? Yes, before we spoke, several girls who were believers asked me my view on “love marriage” versus “arranged marriage,” and the majority of them preferred arranged marriage and were going to marry whomever their parents chose for them. This might seem crazy to an “independent” American woman, but the girls I spoke with truly believed their parents would chose someone that they would love. Now, don’t get me wrong, I would never want this for myself (no offense mom and dad), but I think I need to be careful not to judge so quickly.
So, as the basis for our teaching, we simply shared our storyJ, which we think went over very well. We got lots of laughs and many comments after the program such as,”we were very much blessed by your love relationship story” and, “now, I am going to go and pray a lot more.” Not sure if they felt compelled to pray for us more, but nonetheless, still happy that they felt compelled to prayJ.
We shared how each of us had a “list” in our head of requirements for our future mate, and as we shared this, our host decided it was such good information that she wrote it on the white board and all the students took notes! Oh gosh! We shared how it took a long time for anything to really develop for us and we weren’t always sure it was God’s will. We shared how we were always seeking counsel and praying about things, and eventually knew that it was what we wanted. What was really cool to share simply by our presence in their country was how we were doing ministry TOGETHER and making decisions TOGETHER about our life and future. I fear this is not done as much here as women are often looked down upon and treated as the inferior partner, with the husband ruling the relationship and their lives.
We pray that through our story, God spoke to the students about his love for every person in this world equally and his design for marriage in this same vain. We also pray that through our joy and laughter (you know we can’t do anything without a few jokes and laughter) they saw life and a picture of how much HE loves HIS bride! Please pray for the young believers here that they would fall more in love with our Savior and then sense His will for their life – learning to seek Him first and then when married love their spouse with His love.
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